The "commitment" trap

What if this overhyped virtue is working against us?

I was convinced I had commitment issues.

Whether in relationships, hobbies, careers, or lifestyles, the idea of committing to something long-term just doesn’t sit well with me. I have a ‘fear of commitment’ they said. And since I’ve never been able to say “forever” to anything, I thought they must be right.

I even remember being told to ‘see it through’ when I quit a video game as a kid. If I couldn’t stick with even a game, how would I ever commit to things in life? Over time, that phrase became an inner voice, a persistent guilt whenever I shied away from committing.

But does this culture of commitment genuinely serve us?

Committing to a single goal, person, or path is so romanticised! Those who ‘stick with it’ are admired, even celebrated:

Married for 40 years? Wow, how beautiful!

Worked at the same company for 25 years? That’s amazing!

Mastered the piano with three decades of practice? Mind-blowing!

And I agree—these feats are beautiful and admirable. For some, that deep dedication brings meaning and fulfilment.

But for me, it feels different. Spending decades on one path, one passion, one pursuit? That feels like a prison, trapping me in a version of myself I may have outgrown. It’s like putting all my eggs in one basket—getting so attached to one thing that if it’s ever taken away, I’d feel lost because I don’t know anything else. More than that, it robs me of the chance to explore with an open mind to new possibilities.

What if I change?

What if my circumstances change?

What if I stumble upon something so fascinating it makes me want to change course?

Because here’s the beautiful thing about being human: we evolve. Our interests, desires, and values shift over time. I want a life that gives me room for that growth. But commitment expects us to hold tight, to honour promises we made to ourselves or others when we were entirely different people.

Maybe sticking with one thing brings some people joy, but that isn’t everyone’s truth. I’ve seen so many people suffer by holding onto commitments long after they’ve stopped serving them, simply because breaking those commitments feels wrong like they’re failing at some moral standard.

How many of us carry this ‘commitment guilt,’ feeling like there’s something wrong with us if we can’t say ‘forever’ to anything? But maybe, just maybe, that ‘forever’ mindset isn’t the only path to fulfilment. Maybe there’s just as much beauty in honouring our curiosity, in saying yes to change, in allowing ourselves the freedom to let go.

At least, that’s what I’m learning to do for myself. I’m accepting that I find joy in discovery—in learning, in tasting new experiences, in allowing myself the freedom to pivot when my soul is called somewhere else. And perhaps that’s a form of commitment, too—a commitment to my own journey, even if it doesn’t fit into society’s boxes. A commitment to living in a way that feels true to myself, rather than chasing a virtue that doesn’t resonate with me.

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Little Joys

“Joy is always around if only we pause to acknowledge it.”

With life's burdens and big ambitions, it's easy to overlook our everyday joys. These are my small joys from the last two weeks -

• Settled into a healthy routine and have started feeling good about myself.

• Have been attending Kalari class consistently! Even when I’m tempted to take a break.

• I have been dancing a lot lately. Feels like the freedom I’m feeling is translating into an ease in my movement.

• Have been thinking of creating a new piece - a long-form video. Even though taking this project up is terrifying, I’ve been enjoying ideating it. Maybe, I will see it through.

If this resonated with you, feel free to pass it along to someone who might enjoy it too! Sharing is a beautiful way to spread joy.

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P.S. If you enjoyed this, here are a few pieces I think you’ll love:

👉 A new series - New Road New Skills, where I follow my curiosity to dip my toes on skills and arts that catch my fancy on the road.

👉 Should our choices be 'justified' or 'just because'? - Making space for curiosity in a world obsessed with reason