My dirty little trick for putting myself out there

Don't judge me!!!

Putting my work out for everyone to see was never easy for me.

As an A-grade perfectionist and a textbook firstborn with gifted child syndrome, my standard for what’s good enough was ridiculously high.

(Disclaimer: All self-diagnosed, of course—mostly for dramatic flair and to drive home my emotions.)

Naturally, nothing I created ever felt good enough to be shared. And when it came to something I deeply respected and cared about? It got so much worse.

So, when dance happened… paralysis and panic happened.

It’s the one thing I love more than anything in the world. My forbidden childhood dream. Over the years, I had built up these sky-high expectations of what I’d be like if I ever became a dancer. The learning journey itself was a battle—layered with self-judgment, doubt, and all the baggage that comes with caring too much. (Watch this reel for more context)

And then… there was sharing my journey.

I wanted to document my progress—something to look back on and see my growth over time. But I knew if I kept the videos in my gallery, they’d just disappear into the void. So, I started a page. Couldn’t bring myself to call myself a dancer, though. So, I named it Dancer Loading.

Before every single post, I’d find 100 reasons why it wasn’t good enough. It was debilitating. Miserable, even.

I’d scroll through videos of incredible dancers—people who had trained for years—executing flawless moves. And it made it a thousand times harder to hit ‘post.’

Then, something changed…

I don’t know when or how. But at some point, I started watching bad dance videos.

Initially, I’d scroll past them immediately. I couldn’t stand below-average or even average dancing. (Projection? Absolutely.) But at some point, my self-inflicted pressure made me turn to these videos for comfort.

And honestly? It worked.

It was a cheap, almost embarrassing, but much-needed morale boost.

"Hey, at least I’m not that bad!"

Then I started noticing something else—these people were so confident. With half the skill, half the technique, zero hesitation. Meanwhile, I was sitting here, doubting myself into oblivion.

That’s when the shift happened.

"If these people can post their stuff, why am I being a whiny, cowardly dummy when I’m objectively better?"

It became a twisted but effective motivational hack. Every time I hesitated to post, I’d go watch a cringey dance video, feel just a little better, and hit ‘post’ without overthinking.

Does it sound terrible? Yes. Crass? 100%.

But here’s the thing—this trick got me through. It got me past the fear, past the self-doubt, past the paralysis.

Ironically, I don’t look down on the people who posted those videos. In fact, I respect them. They became my unexpected saviors. They did what I couldn’t—they showed up without fear.

Showed me that confidence or putting yourself out there has nothing to do with skill.

So yeah, this trick worked for me. And as dirty as it feels, I’m owning it and sharing it with you here. Because sometimes we need these dirty tricks.

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Little Joys

“Joy is always around if only we pause to acknowledge it.”

With life's burdens and big ambitions, it's easy to overlook our everyday joys. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the small joys from the last week. Here are mine -

• Sundaram came all the way from Bangalore to visit me for a week!

• Watched the sunset every day from different locations.

• Ate amazing food every day without thinking about the budget after a long time!

• Took many good pictures and videos, all thanks to Sundaram.